A Week's Worth

What is a week worth? What is a week's worth?

About a week ago, I scrambled to cancel a trip to Tokyo after the conference we planned to attend was canceled due to Swine Flu. More accurately, the trip was canceled because of surging paranoia around the virus -- as the ailment has had a very minor presence in Japan and Asia as a whole. We officially canceled our plans on Thursday night, just about three days before we were scheduled to leave. Needless to say, the headaches of undoing the trip nearly matched our combined disappointment. It's hard not to feel sick over it considering the wasted months of reading, research, planning, and imagining things that would never be.

For me, travel and vacations are special, sacred times. Maybe it's because there's always a lot of hype leading up to a trip or maybe because you inevitably take more photos than you would in everyday life, but travel memories are always more potent, visceral, lasting. Had we taken this trip (our first trip to Asia), it would have become a mental touchstone, conjured up forever after at the sight, smell, or look of something familiar. Even though we'd only physically be there a short time, the impact would have been powerfully expansive. The reason we travel is not just to see different parts of the world, it's to look at our home, even ourselves, with new eyes.

Pace is a curious thing. In the days that followed the cancellation announcement, my regular life continued. If anything, the pace felt quick as the days passed rapidly by. Already it's Friday. I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday. Had we taken the trip, the days would have stretched out to make room for these impressions and new memories - of street scenes, of weird culinary delicacies, of faces in the subway, of the look of the sky at night. Instead, I stayed home and continued with business as usual. Another week blurred together that I navigated it on autopilot with little to show for it.

So in a sense, I feel sort of flat and disconnected thinking about an adventure didn't happen. It would be inaccurate to say that I am sad about it, it's more like I watched a movie that ended unexpectedly and it's sort of a let down. Truthfully, I am no worse off (and even a little richer) because of the cancellation. It's one of those forking paths in life, a what could have been moment.